The Other Shoe Has Dropped

Yep, just what I've been waiting for these last seven months. I knew what was going on when it happened. I wasn't surprised and like every other day, Jesus was right there beside me. I woke up Thursday morning with a pain in my side and a pain in my shoulder and shortness of breath. I didn't rush to call the doctor Thursday (I'm not an alarmist you know!), but I did rush to call her Friday...9:00 a.m.....on the dot. She could see me at 11:40.

I was there at 11:37. The layperson's (that's me) interpretation: the inflamed liver is pushing on the diaphragm which in turn is causing shortness of breath and pain in my shoulder. Simple enough. I like that. No secret messages hidden in those words. The only option she gave is whether I wanted palliative care (pain control while continuing my bone-stabilizing medicine) or hospice (all treatment is stopped except pain control). I voted for the palliative care. I will meet with them this week.

I have been taking 10mg oxycontin for several months and that had taken care of whatever bone pain I've had. The dr. told me to double up to the 20mg. Let me tell you, the pain is--well, a pain! That hip that had been bothering me for months? I don't feel a bit of that anymore. But boy I do feel the liver pain. You've heard the story: the way to get rid of the pain in your foot is to slam the hammer down on your finger. Amen, brother! It's true!

I want all of you to understand something -- I want to make this ultimately clear for each of you. To those who say that I'm a "trooper," "an inspiration," "a winner," and many other wonderfully kind words that describe my association with THE BIG C, there has been nothing said any sweeter than this: "you are truly a testament to God's Divine Grace." His grace is real and if you have not experienced it, ask Him to show it to you. Life will never be the same.

Yes...I'm Still Alive!

For those who are not in touch with me regularly, the fact that I have not posted since May may indicate 1) that I'm doing well and spend my days lavishing at the spa and eating chocolate bon-bons (I actually like Breyer's chocolate or Klondike bars) or 2) I've passed. Let me assure you that I have not passed. I have been feeling amazingly well since my "terminal" prognosis in January.

This past week has been a bit of a strain on my energy. I was so tired yesterday that I wondered if this was the beginning of the end. I remember during my days of chemo feeling like that -- totally wiped out but not really being able to sleep. "Only time will tell," they say. I finally took the step to look up hospice on the Internet and read a bit. I e-mailed my brother to see if he wanted to be the keeper of years of genealogical research I've done on numerous family lines. I was resigned to it yesterday.

I'm blessed that my son hangs around enough to have a few chats. We laughed yesterday about taking him as a young lad to buy shoes. It always seemed to be a no-winner for both of us, as I recall. "No, you can't get those; they aren't on sale." "How do those feel?" "They're fine, mom." "You sure?" "Yes." I don't know how many pairs we bought but had to return because "these don't feel right." I asked him yesterday why buying shoes had to be such a big deal. With his wonderful grin that I love so much, he told me it was "the pressure." Ha!

Ed (Edward to me, of course) is wrapping up his summer internship with the U. S. Forest Service. Those of you who are parents know exactly what I'm talking about when I say how blessed I am to be able to see him in his element...doing something he enjoys so much...fitting into this new environment with ease and confidence. I know parents who have not had that joy with their child/ren. It's a very nice place to be. Thank you, Lord for this child.